When am I ever going to say that? Why am I filling my brain with it? It’s like Duo is actually fucking with you. For example: “kucing itu terbang” translates to “that cat is flying”. The Duolingo owl is specifically designed to guilt you into spending at least 10 to 15 minutes a day learning a language via some useful and completely useless phrases. This is what happens when you lose your streak. It never ends! I know I should just delete the app and regain power of my life, but I’m deathly afraid of what Duo will do to me. And more emails about “Sad Duo” if you miss days of practise. In case the notifications weren’t enough, he also sends emails. I don’t know if this is a universal thing but Duo will shoot me a notification every hour, every day from 7.30pm onwards.

It was all very innocent at first, like “Hey, have you got a spare coupla minutes to learn some phrases?” and “Steff, it’s Duolingo time!” But as more days passed, Duo grew restless. Then things got harder, my motivation plummeted, and I grew tired of the green owl. So I completed the first couple of lessons with ease and pushed my way to the top of the leaderboard. My speaking skills on the other hand suck shit. Like I can’t catch every word of a government presser, but if Mum’s ragging on someone over the phone, I can so get in on the goss. Mum and Dad still speak Indo to me so my listening and comprehension skills are near perfection. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but when I first got the app I was on absolute fire. And if you don’t keep your place in the Top 45 on the weekly leaderboard, you’re cooked. Duo demands that you learn at least three lessons a day, otherwise he’ll throw a tanty. Duo is a little shit, hellbent on ruining your life. But no, dear reader, he is none of these things. At first, one might describe Duo as adorable, harmless, sweet. For those unacquainted with the aforementioned owl, his name is Duo and he’s the official mascot of the language learning app.

Duo owl